Christmas 2012

This is our first Christmas as a family of three (four if you count Pippin). Somehow, this year hasn't quite felt like Christmas ... The decorations are up, the music is playing, the gifts are being given, but it just doesn't feel ... right. Admittedly, there have been a lot of changes this year. I'm not freaking out about four or five different concerts I have to put on, I'm not throwing mini-parties for students who already performed, I'm not baking up a storm (who has time?), and, of course, there's a tiny cuddle monster keeping me busy. For weeks I was trying to get into the Christmas Spirit, but just couldn't find it anywhere. Then, the other day, it hit me. I am perfectly content to spend Christmas in LA this year. I don't wish I was somewhere else. I don't even have that urge to drive to the mountains every time it rains, just in case it might be snowing. I don't want to say that I don't miss my family, but, well ... I don't. At least not as much as I have in past Christmases. That nostalgia for "a quiet Christmas morning in the Colorado snow" just isn't there. Is it that my post-partum depression has turned off my ability to feel anything? Or is it just that I'm finally learning the secret to being content wherever I am? I'm inclined to believe the latter, and I feel like anywhere my husband and daughter are is home to me now. Those heart-rending songs that have led me down the path of Holiday blues in the years since I left home haven't wrenched one tear from me this year. Don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly, and I still wish I could spend Christmas with my mom, dad, sister, and their respective families, but it's kinda nice to know that this is what Christmas will feel like from now on. Just the three (four) of us, hanging out and enjoying each other. Joy to the world and peace on earth, right?

PS. I'm terrified of ever spending Christmas away from my kid. Now I know how my parents feel when I don't come home. Sorry, guys. I love you!