Block

I have gone nearly a month and a half without experiencing a single day of Writer's Block. Well, today ended my streak. I just don't feel like writing today. I feel gross and unmotivated and sad and like I've eaten too much sugar. I haven't had any today, because I just don't feel like it. I don't feel like doing anything. I am tired because I woke at 1:30 thinking K was about to wake up and I'd be comforting her and holding her while she slept until it was time for her 4:00 feeding, just like I had the previous two nights. She didn't wake up, but I didn't sleep well after that. I managed to get breakfast and lunch on the table, take a shower, and fold two loads of laundry. I managed to walk to the pharmacy and to the bookstore. I managed to pull some art supplies out of the garage.

I have not managed to clean the kitchen. I have not managed to prepare anything for the six-year anniversary of our engagement tomorrow. I have not managed to organize even one pantry shelf. I have not managed to bathe my child or get Robert's dinner ready. I have one hour before he gets home. I just don't feel like getting off the couch.

I will, of course. I will manage to finish everything. Because life moves on, even when one is more disappointed than they could have imagined being just hours ago. Even when one is mourning possibilities that just aren't in the cards this time. Even when a hunch proves to be just ... Nothing.

Tomorrow is another day, next month is another month, and next year is another year. And maybe by then this disappointment will be joy. Maybe I will have forgotten the ridiculous, self-indulgent sadness I feel right now. Maybe ... Someday.