Masala Dal = Yum, and also, mess

I've had this recipe for Masala Dal bookmarked on my phone's browser for over a year, and I've only cooked it twice before today. The recipe is super yummy and easy, so we really should have eaten it more than twice in the last year and some odd months. Today I remembered why I hadn't cooked it in so long.

First off, the recipe says to cook the lentils in a pressure cooker. We have a pressure cooker which Robert inherited from his aunt, but we rarely use it for pressure cooking. We (meaning, of course, I because Robert rarely cooks) generally use it for soups and atole. The handle on the lid was broken when I moved in here, and the weight that we have is not the one that came with it (I imagine the weight for Robert's Aunt's pressure cooker doesn't fit too well either) and clearly has been through the garbage disposal one too many times (maybe that's why our garbage disposal doesn't work ... Huh). Add to all this the fact that I'm not even really sure how to use a pressure cooker, and well, you get a huge mess of sputtering and spraying lentil water all over the stove, hood, floor, cabinets, refrigerator, etc. So I turned off the stove after the sputtering spewing mess, and it took a good five minutes to pry off the lid-without-a-handle.

However, the lentils cooked beautifully.

The next problem is that I invariably forget to measure the mustard seeds and cumin seeds before heating the oil. So when it says to heat the oil and add mustard seeds until they crackle, I end up overheating the oil and those mustard seeds just will NOT stay in the pan. I put them in and they're jumping around the kitchen like bare feet on summertime asphault. So while my mustard seeds are scattering themselves to Connecticut and back, I'm struggling to turn off the flame and get the pan to a cooler locale, and the hot oil is spattering all over my arms. And this has happened not once, not twice, but THREE times. And as I mourn the death and burial of my memory, I provide endless entertainment for my kid and my hubby.

Anyway.

It tasted delicious over a bed of rice. If I had remembered to buy some naan it would have been even better. But, my memory is a goner. Wait, didn't I just say that?

The ridiculousness starts ...

Last night I went to the shed to get the clothes out of the dryer when K saw her plastic bib hanging up to dry. She squealed and panted excitedly, then grabbed it and tugged until I unhooked it from the hanger. It was time for her bath, and while I was taking her clothes off she made sure she was still holding on to that bib. I thought to myself, "What's the harm in letting her hold it in the bathtub? Seems silly, but there's no good reason not to ..." So, she bathed with the bib clenched tightly in her little fist. She was simply not interested in  her bath toys, and she didn't even try to turn on the faucet. At the end of her bath, though, I had to take it away or soak the bed and her clean clothes. I put the bib on her for a few minutes so I could take a picture and then gently took it off, wrung it out, and hung it in the window to dry. And oh.my.goodness. This kid can throw one heck of a fit. I was trying to comfort her while I got her diapered and dressed, but I was laughing so hard and she just kept getting more upset. So I grabbed a bib out of her drawer and put it on her, and immediately she calmed down. Oh dear. She's a drama queen. Just like her mother.

Head-explosion avoidance for dummies

For as long as I can remember I've had a horrible temper. My poor family dealt with it by leaving me alone until I apologized ... or until I appeared to be happy again. Afterwards, they wouldn't mention the Crazy they had just witnessed, although looking back on it, I'm sure they still remember the terribly hurtful things I said and did while raging away. I don't remember ever physically hurting anyone (other than myself), but I would hit pillows, scream into them, rip paper, kick rocks, throw stuffed animals, ANYTHING to get that terrifying burst of energy out of my system.

When Robert and I got married, he didn't just leave me alone to rage. He called me out. I realized how childish I was acting, and the tantrums ceased.

Then, after my daughter was born, I felt I was losing control of my life. I felt alone, helpless, hopeless, and misunderstood. I could no longer express my needs in a calm way. Sometimes, I couldn't even find the words to say it in a loud, angry, yelly way. So, the Crazy returned.

I realize now the reason I've had temper problems my whole life. Somewhere along the way, I felt misunderstood. So misunderstood that there was just no way to put my thoughts and feelings in to the right words to help those around me understand. So I raged. It was neither an effective way to get my point across nor a particularly helpful way to endear myself or my point of view to others.

My immediate response whenever I am frustated is to blame others. I would get so angry because my kitchen was disorganized, because my husband would sleep through everything, because the laundry detergent wasn't working very well. Every incident that had me shaking with anger was someone else's fault.

The Crazy took on a life of its own again when my dear mother-in-law  came to help after K was born. She and I have always been able to get along and understand each other pretty well, even though she speaks only Spanish and my first language was English. I understand quite a bit of Spanish, but expressing myself in that language is not easy for me. When she started giving advice on everything baby-related, I couldn't explain to her why I was doing things a certain way. I knew in my head why, but to explain it in English was difficult, to explain it in Spanish, impossible. My first rage fit was after she and my husband had come home from the grocery store. K was screaming her little head off and I was trying to get her in to the Moby wrap so she could go to sleep. My mother-in-law rather abruptly said "Give her to me." And I couldn't defend myself. I couldn't tell her why I didn't want to give her the baby. So I handed her the baby and went down the hallway, threw the Moby wrap into the wall, and screamed. Not my finest moment.

There have been several such incidences ever since then. I never have felt angry with my daughter. But I have felt so, so angry with my husband, with my mother-in-law, and with myself. It is so silly and stupid to act this way. But at times it feels like the only way to get them to listen. It doesn't get them to listen, by the way. It just shuts everyone down.

And so, in writing this post, I have realized that the reason I get defensive is not because I am being attacked or ignored. It is because I cannot communicate. Because the way I say things is ineffective. Because I need to stop and think before I yell scream speak.

When my child gets older and starts to communicate, I need to remember how frustrating it is when you know what you want or need but you can't find the right words. I need to remember what it's like to feel like everyone is ignoring you or like no one understands you. I need to be sympathetic, but I also need to give her the tools to deal with her frustration in a constructive way. And if she needs to rage a little bit, I need to make sure there's nothing fragile in her room.

This mess

I'm working on a post about anger management right now, but the randomness of my thoughts created a bit of a post-monster, so I will post it tomorrow after a bit of editing.

In the meantime, what do you do when you have thirty different patterns of silverware and not a single complete place setting among them?

I'd really like to start over with some pretty new silverware, but the Man seems to think that could get a bit expensive. We do have a whole huge set of my Grandma's that my mom gave to me, but to this point we've just been using that one on holidays.

Any ideas?

The Daily Blitz

After we had been married a while (read: 3 years ... I'm a little slow, don't hate me), I got tired of the house being clean and presentable only two or three days a week. I would clean the whole house on Thursday, and the clean would last until about Sunday. If someone wanted to come over on Tuesday, I had to a) scramble to sweep, mop, vacuum, and pick up dog toys, or b) tell them not to come until Friday. In the first three years, this was not a big issue since I had no friends. But when my neighbor Melissa moved in down the street, she would drop in from time to time to chat, and I started worrying about the condition of my house on a daily basis. Thus, the genesis of the Daily Blitz clean. I don't always get everything on this list done, but it's a jumping-off point.

Daily Blitz

Bathroom:
Shake rugs
Spray shower
Clear and wipe down counter
Wipe down soap dispenser

Bedrooms:
Make beds
Pick up shoes
Put away clothes
Pick up toys (dog and baby)

Kitchen:
Wash dishes
Clean dish drainer
Wipe down stove
Wipe down countertops
Wipe down and store small appliances
Wipe down and clear table
Sweep floor

Living Room:
Pick up toys
Clear clutter
Sort mail and file or recycle

And that's it! It seems like a long list but it only takes me about half an hour if I don't get distracted by my kiddo.

Week 3: ¡Ya se armo!

You know the beer commercial that says "Here we go!" Well, on Spanish TV they say "¡Ya se armo!"

Anyway.

We are heading back from the beach where we saw a couple of sea lions, many pelicans, and a Great Dane, much to K's squealing delight. Alas, now we are returning to reality, and the giant list of to-do's waiting for us in the Money Pit.

Weekly Goals: January 14-18

1. This week I'll be finishing up the far wall in the kitchen. My goal are to clean and organize four drawers and two cabinets, clean the wall and window, and scrub the window well, which I have never done since I moved here. Yuck.

2. Stop blaming everybody else for my issues. This is a huge part of my anger problem that leads to head explosion. I think I forsee a post topic here, so I won't elaborate in this post.

Monthly goals: January

1. Cook every day. I have my menus all planned for the week. And there's another post topic! Yay, and I was afraid of writer's block. Also, one new recipe this month: Done! We had gluten-free vegan pancakes this morning! K loved them so much she overate this morning.Here's the recipe.

2. Keep my head on straight. Had some shaky near-meltdowns this weekend, but I did not let my temper get to head-explosion levels. Neither of those was because of baby sleep or lack thereof, by the way.

Quarterly Goals: January - March

1. Read the entire Bible. Still on track.

2. Spring Cleaning. On track but would like to move a bit faster in the kitchen, there's still a LOT to do, and only three weeks left.

By the way, Robert fixed the leaks under the cabinet. Apparently there's a really bad video on about.com about teflon taping. Apparently we should have done more research. And apparently you can't believe everything you see on the internet.

Shabbat Shalom

I ran out of time yesterday to post my Week 2 Sum-up. I still need to take two more after photos. In the meantime, it's Sabbath, I'm leading praise team, and K is up early so we may all make it on time to church. Here are some photos from the week.